Why We Need to Start Listening to How We Feel
By: Celia Zanayed, PsyD
Why do I feel like this? What is wrong with me? If you have had these thoughts before, this blog post is for you.
Feelings are there for a reason. That might be annoying or inconvenient but realistically it's just a part of the human experience. If we stuff our feelings down repeatedly, they will find a way out some other way. You might even think you have an "anger problem" because you try to stay calm all the time but you sporadically lose it over something really simple. There is a significant difference between genuinely being calm and letting things go and pretending every small slight or problem doesn't affect us. Depression is one of the hardest examples of this. No one likes to feel depressed. However, the depression is telling you something. It is telling you that something in your life isn’t going the way you want it to. It is either telling you something may be physically wrong, like a vitamin deficiency or certain illnesses, or psychologically wrong, like not feeling safe, loved, and/or supported. There are major issues in life that we can’t control like racism, sexism, homophobia, political unrest, etc. There are also numerous small things within our daily lives that we can control. For example, a feeling of dread when we are about to see someone can mean that we need to set a boundary. Feeling defensive whenever we speak to someone means we feel judged. Identifying that is an important step in determining if this person isn’t particularly supportive, or we’re projecting an insecurity into a situation where it isn’t warranted. But validating the feeling is an important part of that process.
Learning how to see ourselves, the world, and the future in a different way takes time and practice. We have so much more power and control over our thoughts and feelings than we realize. All we have to do is make a conscientious effort to change our way of thinking. Our ability to do this depends on our current resilience levels. Resilience is sometimes seen as this fixed ability we all have, but it is in a state of constant flux based on our health, relationships, resources, and current stressors. We are capable of building our resilience levels, but that doesn't mean we are invulnerable and impenetrable. Research has shown that no one is impervious to posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) with enough life circumstances. That's because it is a NORMAL response to abnormal situations. This is one of the reasons it is so important we be honest with ourselves about how we are feeling, emotionally and physically. Especially in cultures where "mental illness doesn't exist", our psychological stress tends to show up as physical aches and pains that cannot be explained by a medical condition. And to be clear, they are real aches and pains. Our brain just converts our psychological pain/stress into something more tangible.
We are way more likely to reach out and follow up if we are ready for help, and I can fully understand if you don’t want to do that yet. One of my goals is to normalize that we are affected by our environment, so it is absolutely fine if your first step is just acknowledging that you don't feel okay. If you are ready to feel better, give us a call for a free 15-minute consult call. If you want to try other ways of building your resilience with or without starting therapy, read my blog article on Building Resilience: How to Help Your Brain and Body Fight Stress.
